As well as being a heart dad, Tom was born with a heart defect himself. His family have recently been supported by Children’s Heart Surgery Fund as his daughter – heart warrior, Mia – was recently treated at the Leeds Congenital Heart Unit.
For International Men’s Day, Tom describes his experiences of hospital, treatment and CHSF support from a father’s point of view.
Mia was born with Tetralogy of Fallot. She has a narrow valve leading up to the lungs from the heart, a hole in her heart and her oxygenated blood and deoxygenated blood was mixing.
I also have CHD. I was born with two holes in my heart and a leaky valve. I needed two open heart surgeries at aged 6, and I had another aged 21 at Leeds by Mr Osama Jaber.
I spent four weeks on intensive care and four weeks on the ward afterwards myself, so I just had this feeling that you had to be there and be strong for Mia. It was heart-breaking but you have to be strong for your little one.
CHSF were absolutely amazing. They helped with travel and accommodation at the hospital, and they helped us with money as I couldn’t go to work for eight weeks. They also supported me if I needed it at any point.
The one thing that would have helped is to be able to talk to other dads that have either been through it or are going through it. As a first-time dad it was hard to see what was happening to Mia and being able to talk is what has helped me through it a little more.
My advice for dads who are about to go through any situation with their loved ones is to make sure you have somewhere to go. I got so frustrated sometimes and it wasn’t anybody’s fault. You just get angry and frustrated seeing your little one there.
Being able to vent at someone or to get it off your chest is the best remedy. I felt so relieved to be able to talk to a psychologist after bottling it up for the first few weeks.
A huge thank you to Tom for being so open about his experiences of being a heart dad (and a dad with CHD). We hope that Tom’s blog will help other heart dads in a similar position.
We recognise that fathers are a hugely important part of a child’s family support network, and that they also need support.
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